Hopeless Beginnings
by ibbotson-girl
Summary: *previously on another account called KillerHeels* Rose finds herself alone in the great city of New York with a baby and no friends. Sorry folks no lemons here. Everything but the story line belongs to Richelle Mead.
1. Chapter 1

**ALL CREDIT BUT STORY GOES TO RICHELLE MEAD. FIRST STORY, SO PLEASE DON'T HATE IT... SET AFTER SPIRIT BOUND! LETS PRETEND THAT NO SEARCH PARTY WENT OUT THAT NIGHT.**

I awoke to hear Ivan crying. With a sigh I pulled my self from my bed to attend to my life and soul. My baby boy. Currently 7 and a half months old Ivan is becoming a greater mischief then ever. At least most nights he'll sleep till dawn. But unfortunately not every night. I pick him up from his crib beside my bed. Ivan's old enough to stay in the nursery I built for him across the hall but when he does he gets night-terrors.

I carry Ivan down the stairs of my 2 story apartment, turning on lights as I go, whispering comforting nonsense in his ear. I take a bottle of formula from the fridge and put it in a pan of hot water to heat up. Staring around my kitchen I remind myself how I got here. How I got Ivan.

_I watched as the guardians set up a memorial ceremony for those we lost in the battle at St. Vlad. I hadn't let myself shed a single tear since my Dimitri was lost from me. I told nobody what happened in the cabin. Not even Lissa. I watched as she helped the guardians. I remember that other people had lost family and friends. Not just me. I felt weak, like I couldn't deal with it. "This will be my release." I murmured lowly. " This WILL help me."_

_ I got half way through the remembrance before I broke down silently in the back row. Where he sat. Every Sunday he would come to this Church. He fought hard and was a god fearing man. Went the priest Called his name on the list I stood up silently and left. I felt a single pair the back of my head and I knew even without looking through the bond it would be Lissa. I looked anyway, as I did I heard a "Talk to me about it." I nodded and left. Guilty about the lie I just told._

A low cry brought me back to the present. The water was just at boiling point and Ivan didn't want to wait. I tested the milk out of habit even though I knew it would be just right for him. I slowly walked around my apartment waiting for Ivan to finish his bottle and fall back to sleep. Fortunately he finished it just as his eyes started to close. I smiled at my sleeping angels face. He looks so much like his father. Like Dimitri.


	2. Chapter 2

So I've decided to start writing again. I had no particular reason as to why I stop or restarted but there's been a few things going on which I guess has contributed towards the events. I'm going to continue on with the two stories I have at the moment and see where we go from there.  
Update will be irregular until I can get a groove going, then hopefully it will be fortnightly or less. Enough rambling from me (although I guess that's why you clicked on my story, to hear me ramble). I own anything you don't recognize. Review to let me know how I did.

Chapter 2.

With Ivan down to sleep again I could focus more on my surroundings. My apartment wasn't much to look at. It was more like a unit really.  
After each guardian graduates they get a space to live in while they aren't protecting the moroi. I got a three bedroom and two story unit.  
"Too big." Is what I told myself. "Just means more cleaning." Even so I was thankful for the home. It meant Ivan got his own room and a place For Lissa to crash when she's had a fight with sparkie or the crown is just too much and a girls night is needed. Plus it isn't well for a god-mother To be too far away from her god-son.  
The clock in the corner of the room caught my eye. 5:39 it flashed as if it knew I was looking at it. Not enough time to go back to sleep but to soon to be awake legally. Not as if I wasn't use to early mornings or sleepless nights. If it wasn't Ivan waking me up it was the nightmares. Dimitri being dragged away. Dimitri with his throat cut out. Or the worst, Dimitri being turned. I fought back a shudder and picked up the baby monitor. I couldn't bring Ivan with me into the gym for fear of waking him up again.

Changing into a pair of yoga pants and a tight tank top (helps with mobility) I moved to the gym downstairs. 2 hours training a day. No less. Any less would let Dimitri down. I start with warm ups of course. I'd be no good as a guardian to 'Queen Vasalissa' if I pull a muscle. Then it's on to the usual routine. 20 laps. Kickboxing. Staking. 10 laps. Sparring with dumbo the dummy. 20 laps again. Mediate and cool off. I know. Mediate? Me? I started while pregnant with Ivan and learnt to block out (most) of my nightmares about Dimitri. Ever since then its been a religious part of my day.

Just as I was finishing off I heard the monitor start to crackle. Not so much as it would if he was awake but enough to give me warning time for a quick shower. Sure enough as soon as I got in Ivan was off like a rocker. I swear he has a sixth sense or something. Luckily enough my fairy god-mother (or just a normal one) was down the hall and into my bedroom before I could even throw a towel on. After a nice soothing shower I come downstairs to see a packet of chocolate doughnuts on the counter beside a slightly rumpled Adrian. After he found out I was pregnant, he took it in his stride. Read all the books, came with me (despite my protests) to each parenting class and helped spread around in the higher classes that I wasn't a bloodwhore. Lower classes are still harder to convince.

'Good morning my glowing Rosebud.' Crooned Adrian, 'And may I say you look lovelier every day.' Although we weren't going out (I felt it wasn't fair to him or to Ivan) he still loves throwing compliments around more often then himself, which is surprising lower and lower as the months go by.

'Morning Adrian. How is my one true love?' I asked. He looked at me surprised but happily replied,

'I'm well dearest. And you?' Holding back a laugh I turned my back on him and around to Ivan who was glurgling happily in his bouncer.

'There's mamas special boy. Oh I love you. Yes I do!' I giggled as I picked Ivan up and blew raspberries into his stomach. Laughing giddily as I spun him around gently not missing the slightly disappointed, but all together amused look on Adrian's face. Just then Lissa came back into the room and smiled wearily.

'We need to get moving if we are to drop Ivan to daycare and get to my morning appointment on time.' She says not unimportant. I turn and place Ivan in her arms and mocking bow as low as I can while saying 'Yes your majestic royalness!'

'Honestly Rose, if I wasn't holding this miracle in my arms I'd hit you!' Lissa exclaimed! 'Besides I know you want to get going too. The new rosters for gate duty are up and I just know it's killing you who is replacing Jessie shifts seeing as his moroi is taking a unexpected holiday.'

'True...' I pouted. As I turned to grab Ivan's things Adrian came behind me and grabbed my arms.

'I'll take Ivan to daycare today. I'm going past that way to see my parents anyway. You go get Lissa to that meeting before she's late.' He said placing a platonic kiss on top of my head. I turned and smiled while accepted his offer. Then with a remind to tell Ivan's minder he's moving on to solid foods, Lissa and I where off to deal with the day. 


	3. Chapter 3

So I'm back again and hopefully with more chapters to come. My therapist is encouraging me to write more so I think this will be a better way rather than a journal.

I own nothing, unfortunately...

.HELL.

It has to be a joke.

A sick, twisted, disgusting joke Jesse tried to pull on me before he left.

It's the only explanation.

Why else would that name be on the roster for gate shift? There's no possible way that Dimitri could be here...

I collapse into the chair closest to me as Lissa is talking to a guard about duties. The look in her eye tells me she knows already. She finishes up and turns to me while taking a deep breath.

'Lissa have you see this roster? I'm sorry to tell you but I think one of your staff needs a phyic evaluation done.' I laugh trying to make light of the situation. She tugs on the bottom of lip with her teeth. A habit she only does when she's nervous. I know her better than anybody else, possibly including herself.

'Lissa, what's going on? You're not telling me something and I hate when I have to force stuff out of you.' I warn. I've had enough of Bambi eyes and cute lip tugging. 'I want answers.'

'I MAY have sent out a team to find and kill Dimitri. I knew how torn up you were that you couldn't do it yourself because of Ivan, but even so you wanted his spirit and body to be free. I sent Mikhail and a team of dhampirs to get him, instead they ended up finding Sonya Karp! Did you they where in love? Anyway Sonya's spirit power broke through with love when she seen Mikhail, turning her back to Dhampir. How romantic! Sonya joined their mission and ended up finding Dimitri. She brought him back to his Dhampiric state thanks to the Spirit. They've both been under observation for a couple of months, but now people are leaving unexpected. It's better to introduce them back into the community now rather than later...' Lissa blurts.

WHAT? How long has she been keeping his from me? How long has Dimitri been Dhampir, while I have torturous nightmares about him being Strigoi? How long has he been a couple of minutes away, and I've been looking after his child not knowing if he was 'alive' or dead. Does he know about Ivan? Has any of the guards told him? Has he asked after me? Does he still care for me, the way I do about him?

Lissa looks at me while this thoughts race through my mind, each crashing over each other until I feel like I'm drowning. Then she throws me a life raft in the form of 'He asks about you everyday. He knows about Ivan but not that he's his son. I'd think he'll be pleased to know. when you tell him. If you tell him.'

I look at her as if she's crazy. 'Of course I'll tell him. Ivan is his son as much as he is mine. Ivan wouldn't have been possible without Dimitri.'

'Okay. Gross. Not the picture I wanted in my head on a Monday morning.'

'You should see some of the pictures I get in MY head' I mutter while shuddering at the image of Sparkies bare bottom. 'Seriously I'm surprised Ivan doesn't have a cousin at the rate you two go at it...'

Lissa blushes but keeps her head up. The next line she has to offer makes my head fly further up and into space.

'Would you like to see him?'

TO BE CONTINUED!


End file.
